Soap Company...Going Loco
Wear A Gorilla Suit
Wear A Little Dog Under Your Arm Like A Purse
Shoot Pandas For Sport
Vandalise A Banksy
I Love Wearing Short Skirts
Express Your Individuality By Being Part Of A Large Gang
Just Put It On Expenses, Yeah?
Write Three Autobiographies Before You Turn 30
I May Be A Bitch, But I’m Not Your Bitch
I Kissed A Girl And I Liked It
Have Opinions Of Your Own, But Don't Always Agree With Them
Breed As Much As You Can, But Don’t Pay For Them
Remember…You Are A Brand
Allow Financial Institutions To Advise You How To Be Careful With Money
Don’t' Compare
Remember…If You Don’t Succeed, You Run The Risk Of Failure
Vampires Are The New Black
Be Famous For Being Famous
Say That The Most Loving Thing To Do Is To Share Your Bed With Someone Whatever Their Age
Saying Sorry "Always" Works These Days
Get A Laser Pen And Shine It In A Pilots Eye
Pull A Hippies Hair
Only Smoke In Hospitals
Talk Loudly When People Are Reading Out Poetry
Use The Words Chillax, Edutainment, Staycation And Infomercial On A Daily Basis
Stop Talking In 'Upspeak'
This Year I’ll Make One Point Five Million Pounds In Bonuses
Send Pictures Of Your Cock To Ex-Girlfriend’s Boyfriends
Don’t Even Get In The Pool To Piss In It
If You Are Surplus To Requirements, Tell Everyone For Sympathy
You Can Be Dumb, But Not Stupid
Say “Im’ma Let You Finish”...Then Don’t
Fall Out Of The Sky On To An Old Lady's Head
Blow Up A Space Shuttle
Study At Stage School But Only Sing Your Own Songs
Synchronize Your Breakdown With The Release Of Product
The Larger You Fail, The Bigger The Reward
War Is Costly, But, Be Assured, There Is Profit To Be Made As Well
Always Make Sure Your Tracksuit Is Clean Before You Take Lie Detector Tests
Get A Tattoo On Your Face, It’s Very Good For Distracting The Fact That You’re A Rapist
Become A Guru
Be So Convinced Of Your Own God Given Talent
You Can Show Up Three Hours Late To Every Show
Try To Get Arrested For Drug Possession At Least Once A Week
Septums Are For Pussies
I’ll Shop In Tesco’s In The Fucking Nude If I Want To
Inform A Pavement Cyclist He's Breaking The Law
Use Your Endearing Illiteracy As A Selling Point
No Underwear Is Too Brief
Send Death Threats To Anyone Who Doesn’t Like Your Hat
Refer To Yourself In The Third Person
My Dad Fed The World
Make Sure People On Public Transport Can Hear What Good Taste In Music You Have
Throw A Haggis At The Prime Minister
Get A Designer Vagina
Switch On To Any TV Channel & The Chances I Am There Are At Least 30%
I’m 12, And When I Grow Up, I Want To Be A Glamour Model
Attention!

Perfect Is What I am Am, A Superman For Any Jam.
I’m The Man On The Calendar, The man On The Skates.
The King Of The Jungle, All The Rest Are Apes.
You’d Better Not Just Stop And Stare…
But Let Me Guide You Out Of Your Underwear.
You’ve Seen Me On The Posters And On TV…
But Never Forget ‘I’m The One For Me’…
I’m The One For Me
I’m The One For Me
I’m The One For Me
I’m The One For Me
I’m The One For Me
I’m The One For Me
I’m The One For Me
I’m The One For Me
I Know You; Didn’t You Used To Be In Hollyoaks?
Bollocks!

These Are Ways To Get Attention!...These Are Ways To Get Attention!
These Are Ways To Get Attention!...These Are Ways To Get Attention!

Yeah, I Think I Can Dance
I’ve Written A Book, But I Didn’t Actually Write The Book
Pout Desperately At The Camera When It’s Not Your Turn To Speak
Feel Your Best When You Are Happy
When I Shaved My Hair Off, I Made Out I Had Cancer
Throw Yourself Down The Largest Flight Of Stairs You Can Find….

Hello? Hello? Can You Hear Me?...Is This Teenage Jesus?
This is A Logistical Nightmare…Did You Hear Me?
This Is Teenage Jesus
Could Be Shouting Loud, And Saying Something
If This Is Teenage Jesus
(Did You Hear Me?)
You Could Be Shouting Loud, And Saying Something
Yes, I Think I Can Dance…I Started Vietnam
Remember…You Are A Brand
Did You Hear Me? I Started Vietnam

Because What Is Said, And What Is Done…
Remain Remains… Remain Remains
What Is Said, And What Is Done…
Remain Remains… Remain Remains

I Once Sold London Bridge To An American Tourist
I Faked My Own Death
Be Omnipresent In Lingerie Adverts
Do' Fall Asleep At The Wheel
I Always Go To The Front Of Queues, I Am More Important
I’d Rather Be Dead Than Singing ‘Satisfaction’ When I’m Forty-Five
Lead Your Country To War Because God Told You To
Democracy Means Having A Starbucks On Every Street
Crying On TV Will Help Me Win Peoples Hearts And Minds
A Cheap Workforce Is A Happy Workforce
These Are Ways To Get Attention!
Drink As Much Of Other People’s Booze As You Possibly Can At Every Party You Go To